Daddy, I miss you

It’s been 9 days since my dad passed away.Β 

The days from that Sunday morning to today still seem like a blur. There are moments when I still wish to wake up from this dream but no matter how hard I pinch myself, there’s no waking up and the more it rubs in that this is the reality I’m stuck in. That my daddy’s gone.Β 

I can still hear his voice. The images of him are still vivid in my head. Before time makes these things vague, I’ll try to write it down in hope that these words breathe into life the memories of my father.Β 

———

My dad.

You know what they say about fathers, they are our first superheroes.

My dad had a very flexible work schedule which allowed him to spend a lot of time with us when we were young. I remember even asking what he really does for a living because he gets out of the house at around 9 in the morning and comes back after lunch. Apparently, one of the perks of being in sales!

There was a time I thought my dad was a doctor. We had boxes of medicines, prescription pads, tongue pressers piled in our house (because he was a medical representative). Plus the fact that when I get sick, I don’t remember a time when my dad wasn’t there to take care of me. From sponge bath, drinking meds, regularly checking my temperature to emptying my rubber ducky potty – my dad was hands on.

When I threw my wildest tantrum in kindergarten and bit my teacher’s skirt, I remember him picking me up from my older brother’s classroom. Not a spank. Not a word.Β To think I wasted a year’s tuition fee all because I was ‘emotionally unprepared for school.’ Sorry dad πŸ™‚

All my PTA meetings in school were attended by my dad. He also picked up my report cards, attended recognition days and made sure I had a parent in tow on important events like these.Β 

As a teenager, I was all over the place and with this were my constant – ‘Dad, pahatid.’ or ‘Dad, pa-load?’ and my favorite ‘Dad, pahingi P100.’ He never complained. He was always ready to give.

When I was growing up, though my parents were never the strict type, I felt my father was the strictest with me. To this, my mom would probably agree. He would send me text messages or call me late at night which he never did with my siblings. I never got the chance to ask my dad why, perhaps I’d even tease him that maybe it’s because I’m the most precious one πŸ™‚

Looking at all these and all the many other things in retrospect, I can say that my dad was really something.Β 

I wish I can be as patient as my dad. He was always calm, cool and collected. I’ve never seen him lose it and with this, I am in awe.

He was a man of few words but when he speaks, I know it had a lot of sense. All the more that I believe what Plato said, ‘Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.’Β 

I wish to have his wisdom because I seem to adopt this from him —- his love for knowledge and his knack for words.

True to what my mommy said, ‘sa daddy mo, walang masamang tinapay.’ I’ve never heard my dad bad mouth anyone. To him, any wrongdoing is water under the bridge. I guess this is the reason why he seemed to live life without any baggage.

I hope my happiness can be as simple as his. My dad never asked for anything grand. He was extremely delighted whenever I came home with peanuts. It’s the last pasalubong I gave him before he passed away.Β 

His parenting style is something I want to emulate. Not too loose, not to strict, just right. You have enough freedom to let you be the person you want to be but knowing that when the road gets a little bumpy, your parents got your back.

Dad, I’ll miss you. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop missing you but I know, I have to let you go. For you, for me, for mom, for us.

I wish you stayed a little longer because I can already see our dreams slowly coming true. I may have never told you but I wrote in my time capsule that I’ll buy you a car, I’ll travel with you and mommy, I’ll buy you a house. I can already see these things coming and I guess this is what pains me so much. Feeling that i’ve failed to make these things true for you. 😦 Β 

Dad, who will be my handyman who can fix things inside the house? Who will cook my favorite bagoong? Who will I call when there’s a scary insect inside my room?

Dad, who’s going to walk me down the aisle now?Β 

I love you. I miss you. Thank you for everything daddy.Β 

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