To be 30, Married and Childless

Dog-laying-under-covers-with-couple

Here’s to every woman I know who’s on the same boat as I am. Β I hear you.

So here I am. A 30 year old woman married for 3 years without a child.

I must say life’s been pretty good and I am actually contented with what’s going on.

But in this equation of a happy woman and a happy man (I hope, haha) with a home and a bunch of dogs, people always seem to say that something’s missing.

A child.

Not having a child may be caused by many things. Biological issues, priorities, God’s perfect timing or purely just a choice. Mine could possibly be a combination of all these things.

I’ve got Polycystic Ovaries which makes childbearing a hit or miss. I vowed to make sure I have a house to my name before seriously considering expanding the tribe. I’ve recently ventured to consultancy work and put up a business which takes my whole being. Deep in my heart, being a mother is something that I’m more petrified rather than excited to venture on. Or if you go the religious route, perhaps the timing isn’t right by God’s clock.

There. I had to explain and lay down my cards for you to fully understand the context of my life. This is something I try to tell people day in and day out because I am always asked, “When are you going to have a child?”

I must be honest with you. I am tired of answering. I am tired of explaining. I am exhausted. I can only roll my eyes (internally, because polite ya’know) that much.

You might be coming from a road of good intentions but please. Just stop.

I would probably fake a smile but it in my head you’ve been marked as someone I’m likely to avoid as much as I can.

Please do not be that nosy aunt to tell me to go to this and that Doctor because someone’s anak or pinsanΒ miraculously gave birth, or take this pill because it worked for you. This isn’t your common case of the colds.

Please do not be that douche uncle to tell me to dance in Obando whilst letting out a boisterous laugh. It’s not funny.

Please do not be that friend to say I probably should give my dogs away. You know I can cut you off my life easier than let go of my precious furry babies.

Please do not be that someone’sΒ kumare (who IΒ don’t even know) to sayΒ “baka mababa ang matres mo” because I don’t even know what that means.

Please do not be that overzealous parent who tells me the only way to complete my life is have a child. You’re negating the lives of those who cannot multiply due to reasons that are beyond them, or those who simply choose to live their lives differently.

Please do not be that awful person who pokes fun at my husband because “ang hina naman.”

It’s probably a natural progression to Meet a guy. Get hitched. Have kids.

But would you believe when I say I don’t actually feel a void?

I don’t feel that something’s amiss?

Does that make me an awful person to find contentment in my life?

Should I wallow in misery and grief because of the absence of a child?

Will it make me vile and evil if I don’t spend my days thinking of “how to get pregnant?”

So the next time you encounter a woman like me, give her the time off. You’re the nth person to ask her why she doesn’t have a child or when is she going to have one. Believe me, if she wants to discuss this with you, she’ll open up. Don’t think you’re giving comfort with your unsolicited remarks, my oh my, she’s heard it all.

Just like me, she’s strong but she’s exhausted.

Let her live. Let her be.